Forever in our hearts

It's been 13 years...

I worked late that night (because it was my first year of teaching and I wanted to be prepared for everything the next day!), rushed home to eat dinner, then Vince picked me up and dropped me off at Ed's apartment at UC Berkeley. ( I was spending the night at Ed's so that I could make it to my interview for graduate school on time the next morning.)  So I didn't really spend much time with mom or dad that evening.  I just remember rushing that entire day.   I quickly said goodbye when Vince came to the door to pick me up.

That was the last time I saw my dad alive...  He passed away that evening.  But no one wanted me to fail my interview so I was not informed until the next day after my interview.

So every time we have a memorial for my dad, I can only feel sadness that I did not slow down that evening.  I did not stop to talk to him more that evening before I rushed out the door.  I did not ask him about his day.  I did not ask him if he was going to his ESL class.  I do not remember asking him much... about HIM.  That day it was all about me.  Come to think of it, perhaps my entire time spent with dad was all about me.  I don't know if I ever appreciated him as much as I should have.

Because honestly, I would not be here without him.  Really!  He and mom sacrificed their lives, their families, their everything to bring my sister and me to America.  They thought about our futures and risked everything to make it to America.  Oh, the stories that I could tell...  But the fact is, he survived the killing fields.  We survived the Khmer Rouge take over of Cambodia and we are now in America because of HIS sacrifice.  Mom tells me again and again that if not for dad's motivation to leave and find a better life for us, we would still be in Cambodia.

So today, we spent  time remembering dad and all that he has done for us.  The children have been to the cemetery many times to visit my dad...  It's difficult to say whether they "know" how I am connected to the picture of the person on the ledger/monument.  But they have always been somber when they visit with me and they are always very respectful and ask questions about my dad.

They are folding golden  joss paper to represent us sending gold to heaven for dad to spend:

E's first lesson on how to burn incense for dad and to ask him to watch over him as he grows up:

M&M's turn.  Mom explains to them that they can ask their grandfather to help them with whatever they are having issues with.

Then they all bow to show their respect for their grandfather:

Before we leave,  they burn the gold joss papers to send to heaven to dad:

Dad, I love you and I think of you often.  When I hear MD laugh his hearty laugh, I think of you because you laughed like that all the time.  I remember laughing A LOT with you.  (Even though I am certain I made you cry a lot in high school!  But that's another post all together!)  You would always find goodness in people.  You would always find joy in every event.  You always found ways to amuse others just to see a smile.  You would have had so much fun with my 3!

I love you!